When it comes to the dizzying extremes of life, I bet we all have chunks of that beef to share. They are at all levels depends on a person´s tolerance. I surely know mine, and it is as weary as my glasses tied with rubber bands around each temple due to over usage and less care.

Now, what the heck am I muttering about? Some another senseless shit out of sinking ideas?

OK, here is the beef, when we do not get what we want we blame it on our lack of opportunities (which has a little contribution, not at my defense per se.) Obviously we do not get it right off the bat don’t we? In my case, there may have been blind spots I probably have not paid much attention to. It is an ongoing run in a hamster´s wheel, and I know how frustrating that can be. The more I think about it, the human I feel I am. It is not idiotically defending a surrender, but at some point it teaches you to value the things that you already have and is still around you. Contentment is not a sign of defeat nor giving up on something you wanted make you less driven. It simply changes your outlook.

I won´t say I do not have insecurities, maybe with my physical appearance I don´t have regardless, but with how I use my time and my skills for profiting, still there are times I get my emotions and my mind going down a very nasty path. And with each reminder after realising it way too late, that is when the extremes start to get my mind spinning. Slumping back to zero and now in the high hopes of recovering I have somewhat stripped away the OLD SOCIABLE ME, why did I recluse? Not due to embarrassment, I have a thick face against that. It was just more about wanting to have my mind away from the unnecessities of sprawl and clutter which I lived with all my might,— beer, sex and party.

All I´m saying is, let your problems rot until you are tired of smelling the dead you. And when you are ready to get out of your stinky life, set it on fire along with all the ghosts sucking your spirit while you were locked in, and start a clean living.